Ramblings From an Apathetic Adult Baby

Mostly rambles, few brambles

Gluten-Free Body of Christ

“Am I taking crazy pills or are they out of Gluten-Free Body of Christ again?”


“Twice in three Sundays.”


“What’s my weekly fiver even buying?”


“San Francisco-Sourdough Salvation already’s gone.”


“Too late for Italian Herb and Jesus?”


“No, no, that’s the red plate. The brown one—that’s just that Multigrain Messiah garbage.”


“Blechh. If I wanted tasteless I’d become Unitarian, thank you very much.”


“What does the Unitarian pastor—or is it cleric, er, maybe conjurer—give them for communion?”


“Ha, anything. They play fast and loose over there. Right now they’re probably in flip-flops eating Chip Ahoys.”


“Must be nice.”


“Sure, plenty nice to rot in hell after a lifetime of Sunday mornings spent in eye makeup and elastic waistbands.”


“There’s Extreme Nazareth Nacho . . . ”


“Not gluten-free. Plus that cheese dust gets, like, everywhere. Think, man. This is a new tie. Clearance rack. Eight bucks; it’s from the Robert Durst Collection.”


“It’s nice.”


“Is any bread at all still being passed? What’s that purple one over there?”


“Bulletin says Honey-Oat Hosanna.”


“Can’t do that either. What, no salvation for the gluten-intolerant this week?”


“It is what it is.”


“Fine. Split your nacho with me. Christ, you drive a hard bargain.”


“Its only a little bit. Really, we’re kinda losing  focus on the ritual, the representation of sacrifice.”


“Sure, whatever. Here, get the usher; make sure we don’t get stuck with juice or wine. I want a fresh blood of Christ from the tray they send around of Grape Fanta.”





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5 responses to “Gluten-Free Body of Christ

  1. M. Talmage Moorehead April 12, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    I like this, but I’m not standing next to you… in case lightning strikes. Hahaha
    But seriously, very bold work. I admire your courage, humor and writing chops.

  2. Kim G April 13, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    Alright, I was already laughing when I read the title. But the actual post had me roaring out loud. Too funny!!!

    No one is spared in your fearless blog! Kudos!

    Kim G
    Redding, CA
    Where we will look upon the world with new eyes now.

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