Ramblings From an Apathetic Adult Baby

Mostly rambles, few brambles

Oh, That Celebrity Died?

Right. Heard it yesterday.


True. Makes you think.


So what do want to eat? I think I like the idea of being a guy who enjoys Italian wedding more than I actually like the soup.


Who am I kidding, right?


That young? Wow.


Broccoli cheddar. Maybe. Usually safe. I don’t like it when it’s too heavy though.


It’ll be my app, I’m saying. I’m not doing the Half-Wich Wednesday thingy.


Broken tart-ed? Where did you see that—


Oh, broken heart-ed. Gotcha. Yeah.


Relax. No, I’m not callous.


Neither of us knew him personally or anything.


Lentil can be good.


Sure, slightly bummed, I suppose. It’s a little letdown whenever bad news marginally affects my life.


I’d say on par with craving lentil soup and discovering they’ve run out.


Whoa. Lower your voice and leave the lentils out of this.


You’re not using “devastated” right. Come on. What are you going to call it when you’re legitimately devastated?


Fine. Seriously, though, have you had their lentil? I’ll get it if it’s good.


Are you getting soup? Would it make sense to split a bowl?


Stop. Christ.


Miss, could you get him have a tissue?


Napkin’s fine.


He was on TV; he wasn’t your best friend.


That’s ridiculous. Nine years as friends and not a single tear shed over dying relatives, but this is “debilitating”?


Heartless? Fine.


No. You’re right. I don’t care like you do. My priorities are completely different. I emotionally invest in real people, people who have likewise invested in me through shared experience and love. You, my friend, are sobbing down a one-way street.


Did I see your Beirut? What?


Come on. Breathe.


Tri-bute! Got it. Sorry, you’re talking into the menu.


But, no. I try to stay off Facebook—especially on days like this. This stuff always makes social media, oddly, more self-centered.


Okay, she’s walking over. Have you tried the lentil soup here, yes or no?


Tell me now.


Fine. Yes. A life is over. I know we both liked his stuff and I know this was sudden, but, please, reassess what exactly you’re holding dear.


I’m doing well, thank you, Miss.


Sorry, we’re talking through some stuff. I think my friend needs another minute.


You’re sweet. No, he’ll be fine, just shaken up over Quaker deciding to kill off Cap’n Crunch.




– Join below with just an email address today for free, exclusive ramblings guaranteed never to flood your inbox.  Follow Justin on Twitter for puns and topical jokes about balms and creams.

4 responses to “Oh, That Celebrity Died?

  1. Kevin February 8, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    But all Celebrity Lives Matter….
    You just have to remember: Just hanging with the dogs and monkeys. I think you know what I’m talking about.

  2. Jiniyas Awode February 13, 2016 at 11:58 pm

    Great writing. The dialogues are so well done. Ah I’m so jealous,I can’t write dialogues like that yet.

  3. M. Talmage Moorehead April 14, 2017 at 1:55 am

    Truly inspired. Quaker would kill oats on a whim. Insensitive and triggering. Where’s Monsanto when you need a shoulder? yuck-yuck

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

<span>%d</span> bloggers like this: