Ramblings From an Apathetic Adult Baby

Mostly rambles, few brambles

Jury Duty

The defense and the prosecution had both made great arguments. “You’re an absolutely idiot,” one of the others jurors had told me, which made me want to ignore justice completely and just vote against him. You know, really stick it to him—though, I suppose, also stick it to civic responsibility and public safety.

I knew we were here to dispense justice—the judge had been crystal clear on that—but shouldn’t showmanship count for something? The prosecutor had been so boring. Five days of overwhelming evidence. Too much damning proof, in my opinion. All I could think about those days was what was I going to order for my free lunch. The defense attorney, however, this guy put on a show! He began with ventriloquism, which upset the judge a lot, but then he started in on some close-up magic, supposedly illustrating some sort systemic failing. Honestly, I couldn’t look away!

Both cases were compelling, albeit in their own ways. The other jurors really weren’t seeing things my way, so I tried a new tactic. “Listen up, everyone,” I told them, “I know I’m the last hold out here, but who among can say they don’t want free lunch tomorrow?” They all said, however, that they would rather go back to their jobs or see their families. “Over free lunch?” I said, incredulous, shaking my head at the sorry state of the world.

The foreman, they guy who had called me an “absolute idiot, said that the media was going to paint us as twelve morons if we didn’t convict this guy today. With all of the eye witness testimony, the fingerprints, and the notarized manifesto pages, everyone was saying this case was a no-brainer.

“So,” I said, “the press would say we’re stupid for turning down more free lunches?” I sort of shrugged at the name calling guy; he been ever quick to anger but I’d watched how he’d made a point not to laugh at all when the judge’s gavel was a replaced mid-bang with a squeaking rubber chicken. I wasn’t going to be bullied by this joyless drip. “I don’t mean to belittle or stoop to your level,” I said, “but you, sir, are sounding like an absolute idiot.”

6 responses to “Jury Duty

  1. Judy Alter May 19, 2021 at 9:27 am

    I love the logic & humor about the free lunch- perfect!

  2. Megan Woodward Moyer May 19, 2021 at 11:43 am

    I love your writing and your humor!!

  3. Terveen Gill May 24, 2021 at 11:17 am

    This is really funny! Can’t get over the free lunch. Lol!

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