Ramblings From an Apathetic Adult Baby

Mostly rambles, few brambles

Season 3, and Beyond!

Season Three

Terry’s Terrific Funerals

“Guess Who” Would You Do?

Dearest Wife, I’m Sorry that You’ve Decided to Murder Me

“Soldier of Fortune” Cookies

The Crown

U.S. Male

My Good Friend, the DSM-IV

How to Succeed at Evil Without Really Trying




Buddy of the Groom

Do I Actually Like Backpacking?

Braggadocio, Missouri,

The Perfect Card

I Have No Desire To Ever Attempt to Join Mensa

Nailed It

The Inevitable Coming-Of-Age Cool People Drug Talk

Under Hobbies, He Wrote “Revenge”

Untouched Trash Sandwich

Remind Me Not to be a Jerk

You’re Putting in a Pool?

Career Aptitude Test

There Are Bad Ideas in Brainstorming

They Broke Into My Car

What to Expect When You’re Expecting: U.S. Census

Wait, You Wouldn’t Commit Horrible, Geneva-Violating Atrocities to Bring a Loved One Back to Life?

“Porky Pig”

The All-Time Best Zinger

Live-Tweeting a Nosebleed

A Few Ding Dongs Fell Down Open Manholes and Now We All Have to Walk Around with These Dopey Safety Oars

Atticus Finch and the End of the World

My Eye Was Diagnosed As Lazy, But He Might Just Be Trying to Find Himself

Crash Dieting For My Funeral

One Star: The Indoor Skydiving Place Wouldn’t Let Me Bring In A Hot Pocket

Are You Brave Enough To Get Chocolate Pudding Out Of Your Hot Tub?

Viewer Discretion is Advised

Hates To Lose


Workplace Sexual Harassment Compliance Quiz:

Negotiation 101: Purchasing A Quaint, Woodsy Cottage For A To-Be-Determined Amount of Human Teeth

COVID-19 Cancelled Our Prom, And Now I’m Never Going to Lose My Virginity

I Want My Steak So Rare That It Still Has Hopes and Dreams

Annual Picnic – TL;DR

We’re Closing Our Brooklyn-Based Sweatshop

Sorry, Shareholders; The Company is Over

The Morally Abhorrent, Yet Very Affordable, Sandwich Place

Your Holiday Sucks—Ten Ways to Make it Better

Flirting My Way Through CPR Certification

I Do Not Believe Bill Clinton Could Do Any Chin-Ups

Why Aren’t All The Other Cinematic Time Travelers Also Wanting to Have Sex With Themselves?

I Take Chloroform To Fly

An Indecent Halloween Proposal

When Giving a Speech, Try Picturing Everyone Naked, See Where That Gets You

Squeezing In One Last Couples Fight Before Our Plane Crashes

Buy My Homemade Garbage Or You’re A Bad Friend

Please, At The End Of Graduation, Don’t Throw Your Mortarboards

Middle School Wrestling: Where Crazy Always Beats Strong

I Can Live Forever As Long As I’m Ridiculously Immortalized 

Unknown Chapter From Ghostwriting Your Autobiography 

The Nice Post – 2020



I Really Don’t Think That Guy At Costco Was Hitting On You, Dad

Talking Dog

Blast To The Present

I Noticed You Mentioned Interesting Trades, And Are You Opposed To Homemade Flubber

The Life Insurance Salesman

I Didn’t Have Any Music On My iPhone So We Boned To An Episode Of “Fresh Air”

Great Question

I Will Paint The Greatest Painting

Am I The Only One At This Eating Contest Looking To Meet Someone?

I Saw Mr. Met Get His Head Stuck In a Revolving Door

Party Sub

Owning A Racehorse

I Know You’re Sacrificing Yourself For The Village Tomorrow, But Today You’re Being Kind Of A Grouch

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