Ramblings From an Apathetic Adult Baby

Mostly rambles, few brambles

Tag Archives: sad

The Morally Abhorrent, Yet Very Affordable, Sandwich Place

I’m not “addicted.” I happen to know every employee’s name and what everything on the menu—and secret menu—tastes like, that’s all. It’s almost as if it happened by chance, except it happened by me going there every day for lunch the past four years.

So just like that; a couple of scathing investigations and you’re done forever?

Wow, are we still allowed to be friends, or do you just now transcend into some sort of virtuous, pre-rapture holding pattern?

Does the high road have good food, or do they just expect you to subsist on this sense of moral superiority?

Ha, sorry, no, I won’t I’ll be joining you at that fair-trade artisan bakery. I don’t ever want to pay eleven dollars for a gritty sandwich that tastes like an acorn.

His conglomerate happens to make a great sandwich. Well, not great, but pretty good for the price. Also, I’m offended that you even had to ask—of course I don’t support the CEO’s views on re-segregating baseball or taking back The Philippines. You’re overthinking a minor economic transaction: it’s six dollars for bread, meat, and spicy dipping slurry. That’s it.

A meal isn’t a meal without spicy dipping slurry.

Okay, okay, just stop.

No. See, you’re getting defensive now and trying to argue something else. You and I both know it didn’t say they failed the health inspection. It said there was a lot of room for improvement.

It’s a soup room, not an operating room.

Hypothetically, let’s say—like you—they have a sudden change of heart, for no good reason beyond egoism, and one day prioritize cleanliness and benefits over their price point and tack an extra two bucks onto my Goo Slop combo. Two extra dollars every day for, what, clean sink traps, a unionized workforce, and a free-flowing soup drain when my money could be better used on life-saving mosquito nets in Sub-Saharan Africa?

You’re unnecessarily spending more to eat at that demi-righteous, overpriced, basic-touristy, fig-and-granola place a block over when you could be contributing that money to people who actually need it. We’re talking about saving human lives here.

It shouldn’t matter than both you and I know that I would probably-never contribute my extra two bucks.

Vague utility and an attractive pricing model is what determines success for any business. We’re all perpetuating that, and, also, isn’t calling it “migrant-worker conditions” a roundabout way of saying they’re maximizing their return on the investment of people?

Okay, yeah, so I may have borrowed that from a Ross Perot speech. What I mean is that everything we’ve talked about—cost, sink soup, Goo Slop, working arrangements—it’s all economic choice.

I know that their hug robot hasn’t been helping employee depression rates. What was the quote from the CEO, “like what they say about omelets—sometimes people die pursing the making of a cheaper, better one.”

I don’t think of myself I’m a walking contradiction, but does anyone, ever? I sort of see both of us as a compilation of thousands upon thousands of self-interested rationalizations.

—Don’t mean to cut you off, but do you want your usual or no? This conversation is kinda making me hungry, and today is Double Coupon Tuesday.

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